Henderson Hills Baptist Church

Submission in Marriage

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Eph 5:31-33 (ESV)

The apostle now concludes his inspired thoughts on the relationship of Sprit-filled husbands and Sprit-filled wives. Remember, the only way such a relationship can be forged is by the work of God in you, not your self-efforts.

Because Spirit-filled husbands love their wives as Christ loves the Church and Spirit-filled wives submit to their husbands as they would to the Lord, a man will leave his parents, join with his new wife, and the two shall become one flesh. Paul is actually quoting here from Genesis 2:24 when marriage was first instituted by God for the ordering and blessing of humanity. Moses and Paul are saying here that there comes a time when a man’s relationship with his parents is superseded by his relationship with his new wife. From this point on he sees himself more as the husband of his wife than the son of his parents. His first focus and priority is now on loving his wife as Christ loves the Church.

Notice the nature of this relationship. The husband is to “hold fast” (is joined to) his wife to the point of becoming fully one with her. The one Greek word translated as “hold fast” in the ESV, is προσκολλάω (proskollao) which refers to literally being glued together. The husband and wife are glued together, thus showing God’s will for this to be a union that shall last as long as they both shall live. Many Christians today do not take this God-given principle seriously. Through the years I’ve read many studies that seem to suggest that there are as many divorces inside the Church as there are outside the Church. This is a tragedy for many reasons.

The primary problem is that divorces are not God’s best for the couple; and children are also adversely affected by parental divorce. The emotional pain, financial catastrophe, and relationship destruction are almost too severe to be measured when a divorce tears a couple apart. Are there appropriate justifications for divorce? The Bible lists adultery as a reason why the faithful have the right to seek a divorce, yet it is still not God’s best (Matthew 19:28). I believe that there are times when a reconciliatory separation is appropriate. When there is spousal abuse, the abused partner, usually the wife must separate from the abusive spouse for her own protection. There are other times when separation is appropriate. For example, when a spouse refuses to break off an affair, a separation may be appropriate. The goal of the separation is to create a time for prayer, reasoning, counsel, and for the seriousness of the problem to be realized. But the goal of this separation is ultimate reconciliation.

Another issue related to abuse is the abuse of a child. If that kind of abuse is discovered, the non-abusive parent must report the mistreatment immediately and separate the child from the abuser. There is no excuse for such abuse and there is no excuse for a failure to act immediately when the abuse is discovered. Furthermore, this is the kind of sin that should be reported to the Elders of the church for the process of church discipline to begin. Now, let’s get back to the subject of divorce for just a moment. There are believers who have been divorced by their spouses or have made the mistake of pursing divorce for non-biblical reasons. What are they to do? The answer is simple. Confess your part of the marriage failure to Christ (1 John 1:9). Rely on God’s gracious forgiveness and understand that He is faithful and just to forgive you. That doesn’t mean that you’ll escape the consequences that the divorce has created. What it does mean is that you’ll be able to walk in the joy of your fellowship with Christ and seek His fullness. I must say that the people I know who seem to hate divorce the most are those who have experienced it personally. This is truly a most far-reaching decision and as Christians we must choose to obey Christ during times of marital stress. If you are hurting, seek Biblical advice and counsel. Submit yourself to God and you will find that He will “draw near” to you (James 4:8). Don’t let “little” things mount up in your marriage relationship. Discuss them while they are little. Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church. Wives, submit to your husbands as the church is to submit to the Lord. This is the best plan, and it works!

Next time, let’s uncover a mystery.

2 Peter 3:18
Dennis Newkirk 

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